You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
