I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
