im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
