The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
