you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
