Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
