is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We left the knife in your bed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
