I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
