On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
vagina is talking i cant
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
