people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize