Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
