it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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