who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
