can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
