Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
