She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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