I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
