i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
