Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
