Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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