I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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