I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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