a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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