Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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