Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
