If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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