Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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