i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I want is dick and wine.