You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.