Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."