Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?