Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.

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(718): don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time. http://tfl.nu/80vr

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(812): View more from Indiana

Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.

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(812): Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up. http://tfl.nu/ner1

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.

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(570): I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it. http://tfl.nu/aapx

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it

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(401): My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it http://tfl.nu/ym1h

Replies (22) Good night (756) Bad night (4283) Order T-Shirt
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.

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(412): thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out. http://tfl.nu/825u

Replies (14) Good night (3567) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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(360): View more from Washington

I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

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(360): I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink. http://tfl.nu/xse5

Replies (6) Good night (4366) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

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(303): Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks... http://tfl.nu/ccgl

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(302): View more from Delaware

She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"

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(302): She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!" http://tfl.nu/kmdw

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(352): View more from Florida

he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled

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(352): he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled http://tfl.nu/6wmo

Replies (2) Good night (1663) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
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(402): View more from Nebraska

What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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(402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em

Replies (16) Good night (2260) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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(602): View more from Arizona

You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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(602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij

Replies (7) Good night (1841) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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(609): View more from New Jersey

My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Sounds like the perfect vacation

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(609): My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days (1-609): Sounds like the perfect vacation http://tfl.nu/rgtv

Replies (1) Good night (1227) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
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(831): View more from California

im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public

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(831): im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public http://tfl.nu/cxwk

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(801): View more from Utah

How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?

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(801): How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service? http://tfl.nu/0xho

Replies (3) Good night (1049) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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(716): View more from New York

You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will

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(716): You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will http://tfl.nu/h8xm

Replies (3) Good night (689) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt

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