You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.