sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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