i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
