You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
