I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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