My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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