I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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