My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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