he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
