I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
