my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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