Screwed.edu
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
