This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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