i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
