I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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