This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
