So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
