If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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