Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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