I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
