I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
