She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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