a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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