You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
