We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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