Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
