my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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