Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
