hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
