and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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