I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
