I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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