I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
