If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You may now shotgun with the bride
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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