It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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