I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
