Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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