I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
