One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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