we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
