Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
