How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
