I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
