my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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