just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
