May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
