i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
