im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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