eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
