Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
