Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
