I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
